Hey dude

This morning I took an undies class. 10-4:30 or something. It was a long class, but now I kind of know how to make unders for m'self.

Unders. Udders. Yesterday I saw a product at Walgreens called Bag Balm, which is cream to put on cow's udders that they market to women as a moisturizer. I can't be the only person who thinks that's creepy.

There is a girl at class named Sarah and I think she wants to be my friend. I like her, but you know, it is also kind of weird, too. The situation. Because I am awkward and I guess I don't know if we'd be good together. But anyway, maybe it won't come to anything.

I am just thinking of the way I am crazy for the style of the late 70s. We have been watching TAXI and I love the style! The hair, the clothes, the makeup, everything. I want to be Elaine Nardo.

I am looking into this thing where I might learn grant-writing. I am going to meet with a man who is raising funds for a path in Alton Baker park which will be a tribute to American Nobel Peace Prize laureates. I think it's a good cause, but moreover, I want to learn grant writing, because I think it would look good on my resume.

I made soft tacos for dinner with fake beef, tapatio, mild cheddar and mild green fire roasted chilies. It was really tasty.

It is Lesley's birthday on Friday and that is exciting. I got her a bunch of different things, such as a gift card to Trader Joe's I also got her an adorable coffee mug:

http://store.heliotropehome.com/ecocupgred.html

The blue one with the stripes. mf'er is mine now. I slyly worked it into conversation to ask Lesley if she drinks hot bevs and these days the answer is no. so: hooray for me, I guess.

Noelle asked me to join a facebook group, which is for people who write to share their writing and to read other people's stuff.

I might send her a poem I wrote about Lesley which makes me cry.

Future writing topic:

Why I love old people/old ladies. That could get poetic.

Dat's all dude.

bye bye bye

Coffee Talk

Hey-o!

Yesterday Robby and I had a superfun day. I went to MOW, and then Robby did a load of laundry, and then we went to McGrath's fish house for happy hour, where Robby got drunk and we even did a shot. It was called a Dirty Cowgirl: Pendleton whiskey with buttershots. Yum. Then we went over to the movies where we saw Hot Tub Time Machine! Then we got pie to go from Marie Callendar's.

It was kind of funny, I was in line behind a girl who ordered coconut cream and they were trying to get her to take a whole pie instead of a slice, because it was on sale.

I chimed in that if they were reluctant to cut it, they shouldn't be, because I was going to have a slice, too. The girl's friend said, why don't you just split a pie? so, we did. I just gave the girl a few bucks and they gave us each three slices. It was funny.

We got home in time for the office, which was a new episode. It was a fun day.

Now today, I start work for 5 in a row. Good for money, anyway. I go in at 11:30 today and then open Sat and Sun. Bummer.

I have to get it together and send a gift to Lesley and a belated gift to Brad. Oh man, oh, man.

Anyway. I am going to go get ready early for work.

See ya tonader.

Hold on to your lover cause your heart's bound to die.

I am going to houseclean while downing some chardonnay. Is that unhealthy? I think it's a good plan. The incentive for cleaning is that I get to booze it up. Janice cancelled my sewing lesson for the evening, so I am thinking: why not?

Unfortunately, I am feeling a little bad and booze always makes me feel more intensely whatever I am already feeling. I think I will skip Iris DeMent and go for something peppy. So I can rock!

Okay, here's why I am feeling a little bad: My bf from childhood posted this status update on fb, which indicated that if she could go back, she would subtract and add people to her wedding day (you know who you are, she added, parenthetically). It made me feel like she meant me. Like she wishes she could subtract me. I wonder if that was meant to sting? It made me feel bad. For me and for Jessica, too. She said she would add her bf and Dave, her hub's, bf, they know who they are.

By Dave's bf, she might be referring to my sister Jessica's seriously, demon from hell-bad-bad-bad-bad-bad man ex boyfriend Joe. Joe, I curse your name.

My sister has been in a huff over this gal not accepting friend requests from her for many months and I always say that she is being irrational, but now I feel like maybe I am in a one-sided friendship with someone who would just as soon be done with me forever.

But I love what we had and when I think of my childhood, I always think of her. I love who we used to be so much that I couldn't accept it if we weren't on good terms as who we are.

Maybe I will write to her?

Anyway, seriously cleany cleany drunky drunky is calling my name.

adios hermanos.

I burnt my tongue.

I burnt my tongue just now on a chai latte from Dutch Brothers. It hurts. Yesterday I got to video chat with Lesley, which was way fun! Today I went with Robby to turn in our unwanted CDs and we made 26 dollars, which we used as store credit to get the new She and Him, and Van Morrison's Astral Weeks. Then we went to Vietnam restaurant to eat lunch, which was delicious! After that, we made a quick trip to the Goodwill store, where I tried on some amazing Brady Bunch dresses and an April O'Neill yellow velcro-on jumpsuit. Of course, I loved it! I also bought a dehumidifier for the bathroom from Amazon. I hope it will reduce the number of times I have to wash and de-mold my ceiling.

Well, that's all for now.

Aidos!

Peace be with you

Okay. Me and Robby are friends again. We talked and cried (I swear he did cry just a little)and now we feel better.

I went to Meals on Wheels this morning and it was nice. Soup and sandwich day, which is my favorite because I am busy all day and bossy and in charge taboot.

I fell asleep watching Monty Python and the Holy Grail, but I am going to try again soon. It seemed like it would be funny. I really liked "I fart in your general direction."

I bought Woolite to wash my undies in an extra gentle way, since they are so lovely.

I went to the bank and to the grocery store.

I worked on a picture I am making for Jessica that I am pretty sure she doesn't really want.

I think that is all that I did.

Anyway, I am going to go and clean or bake or put things away or something like that.

But I feel better and I guess that ought to be acknowledged.

Later.

Oh, yeah

On a lighter note, I saw a man in a chicken suit climbing in a tree today on my way home from Burrito Amigos, where I drove-thru for tamales. An old man in a pickup truck with a cowboy hat got mad at me and waved his arm because I waited for the green arrow instead of doing a right turn on red (a metaphor for my life?). I polished silverware at Meals on Wheels, and had a moment where I considered being considered weird as my unique form of freedom. There's an old lady there, Crazy Mary, who I, in a way, really look up to. I finished my skirt and it's cute. I generally felt rather attractive all day. I listened to This American Life and did some dishes. I hope to clean some more tomorrow.

That actually is all.

Oh, me.

I write to myself when I am upset about Robby. That's an observable trend. I am scared anyone would read this one. I guess I don't want people to think less of him or me by thinking we don't have the perfect relationship.

I wouldn't dare let it slip to most people I know that I am not happy all of the time. Maybe Sarah. My two sisters are my fiercest protectors, so painting Robby in a less than flattering light, ever, would be a bad idea. What if they never forget the bad and it obscures their view of the good. Not that I am unhappy with Robby. I am just unhappy. I got into a tiff with Robby about money somehow. That he is irresponsible. He is, for the record.

But what really upsets me is that I have to be responsible. Robby or not, I do. I have a lot of bills to pay and I love to shop. If I had a better job, or the skills or ability or ambition to get a better job, I think, then I would not be so worried about what money comes in or exactly how it needs to go out. So I come down hard on myself because I pay loans on a degree I don't and don't want to use. I come down hard on myself because I don't know what I want to do or who I want to be.

Seriously, sometimes I wonder if I am destined to die young, since I have never had any really clear picture of my future. I don't know if I want kids or a family. Sometimes I think I would fare just fine alone. And that brings me to our next topic.

I am alone. I am lonely. I am not any good at making friends. Getting boyfriends, keeping boyfriends, having a great old time with boyfriends, sure. But gal pals, i ain't got 'em. Or, I do, and I neglect them, and they are far away anyhow, and I have no idea how to make new ones. I literally don't. Not that I'm not outgoing. I am. Just somewhere, it doesn't link up to my making new friends. I think I love to shop so much just because I am lonely. It's a pick-me-up. Of course, maybe I'd still shop a lot if I had girlfriends.

I just worry about money a lot and with due cause. I have about a thousand dollars in bills each month and I work as a waitress and it's unpredictable. I am never quite sure that enough money will come in. It's scary. It makes me wish so hard that I was funnier, or wittier, or faster, or hotter, or a better conversationalist. Whatever it takes to bring people to Prime Time, so I can have better shifts and better tips. There's so much pressure. And I have grey hairs. I do. Around my hairline. A few of them and they remind me to take life seriously and to have a career and not flit around at waitress jobs and maybe just be more serious and grown-up all around. I feel like a loser.

Then I feel like I have always been a loser and I always will be and there's something missing in me. Or some extra part of me that just wants to be happy right now, in the moment and not care what comes next or what other people think. Some selfish part of me that would rather type to myself than to open up to someone else.

I am going to bed with a lump in my throat now.

I really don't want to be dramatic. But, I really don't want to cry. Someday I am sure I will laugh at how lame I am and can be when I get typing.

That's all.

Robby just asked me to shut the fucky. What is that supposed to mean? I'm pretty sure it would be considered rude.

Okay, today was fun. Not all around, but parts of it were. I woke up at ten or so, which is late, I know that. But that's when I woke up, so that's when I woke up.

I worked on a skirt I am making for a little. I got the gathers right this time and it looks swell. I will work on it a little more when I am done here. I watched Leave it to Beaver while I worked on it.

I got dressed in my new undies (!) with a floral dress over them, and black tights. Springy, but warm enough, too.

Robby and I went to the mall to drop off a key for a lady at work, but then she didn't need it. So, we ate at Mucho Gusto, which is the Subway of Mexican food.

We went to have our domestic partnership notarized so we can maybe get graduate housing next year. That would be amazing. A porch! A yard! More than 3 rooms! Pleasepleaseplease let that work out!

Then I had to go to work, which was very slow. I washed the coffee pots, which is a special project I reserve for the slowest of slow days.

Then I came home and I ate a half of a sandwich, and then it's now.

I know, exciting stuff.

I am wearing a shirt that I got when I went to see Sarah a couple of years ago and it says "I'm a panhandler" on the front and then on the back it says "I ate breakfast at Ham and Eggs in the Pan," Pocono Summit, PA.

Last time I wore it, a man at Meals on Wheels asked me if I had been shopping at the thrift stores, like Crazy Mary, who is a crazy woman at Meals on Wheels. I like it anyway.

That is all. I will try to be interesting next time.

The 5th dimension

Last night, I didn't get to sleep at all. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rJXhlyQE4uA

Robby went to a concert with his professor/friend Phil, whose niece is in the band Beach House. He got to hang out with way cool famous people. I got to go shopping at Kohl's, where I bought a headband and a top and sandals.

After that, I had a one-woman fashion show of all of the dresses I have for spring. it was fun and all, but then it was bedtime. I had to open at work, which means an alarm clock goes off at 4:15 am.

So I just couldn't sleep because I was scared I would be late for work and I kept waiting for Robby to get home, which he didn't do until 4:30 am.

Work was fine. A busy day. I hardly noticed being sleepy that's how busy.

I found day 3 of the new crocs to be just so-so.

After work, I went to the mall with Robby so he could get a haircut. While he did that I went and got a pedicure at the Asian nail place. My toes look fab and they feel okay. They had a rough day. I think okay is the most I could ask for.

The lady gave me the wrong color and she did 3 toes before I noticed. I was reading Elle magazine. She painted my toes a color I have at home. SO, I like the color, but I could have done that myself. It's Barbie pink.

Then, we went to Nachos, a place we love to eat Mexican food. Then, we went to Target, where I bought these:

http://tinyurl.com/undoes1

Bra, undies, and garter belt. Not that I need a garter belt.

I already have these:

http://tinyurl.com/undoes2

so I felt compelled to have them both. Why, I'll never know.

I also used tinyurl cause I am tech savvy (?).

That is all. Now I will nap.

Just love.

Oh i am soooo tired.

I am tired. It's 1:22 am. I worked from 5:30-1 today and then I made Robby take me to the McDonald's drive through for fries. Not that I need fries or fast food. But they were hot and delicious.

I spent the morning being lazy. Also, I put together a skirt I am making, but then took it back apart because I didn't get the ruffles right. They were uneven. I will try to get some work done on it tomorrow.

I wore a cute headband to work, with a coral-colored flower made of metal. A tiny bit over the top? Maybster. I like it anyway. Also, I bought myself some Crocs to wear to work. They were decently comfortable. I hope I will like them.

We're watching an episode of Roseanne with a young, sideburned, brown-haired cuuute George Clooney on it.

Some old folks from work gave me a VHS copy of Monty Python and the Holy Grail to watch. Neato. I haven't ever seen it.

I talk about work too much.

I am outtie.

Peace.

It's as good a day as any to make a blog, isn't it?

I have been looking over some of my old blogs and I realize that I miss writing all about my days. I hope that I can make a habit out of doing it again. One day I think I'll like to look back and remember all of the details.

Today, I went to Meals on Wheels, but I left early because there was a ton of help, so I thought I could do an early out and go home to do some housecleaning, which I am obviously not doing right now.

I made egg salad sandwiches for lunch and a big salad for me.

Robby and I did our taxes a couple of days ago, but today we got them all ready to stick in the mailbox.

I watched Wifeswap and Desperate Hosewives. Lifetime is wifetime.

Now I am going to go and actually wash some dishes and all of that. More to come later?

I hope so.

Peeeeeace.